WHO CARES?

I care - it's what my musical's about!

Missed a coupla days on the old blog due to technological breakdowns, so sorry about that, blogowers.

We've spent a lot of time up on the Royal Mile striding around and dishing out our 'shabby chic' flyers. We're not taking the glossy colour approach - no sirr-ee, Bob - we're going for the B&W photocopy look as they use about one-quarter of the resources of the high-end stuff. Nobody can accuse old Dan of not being simultaneously cash- and environment-conscious. Shop at the Co-op, that's what I say. They don't torture animals to get your hair shiny!

The show itself's been going well. We've sold out three of our five nights to date and the other nights were well-attended too - though Friday seemed to be the day when folks went out schmoozing and drinking rather than watching and clapping. All of our audiences have been VERY appreciative and we've all had a big bunch of fun. The performances have become much more knockabout as we've pushed the boundaries of our physical capabilities to the limit. It's durned exciting to try and work out what's coming next at ya! (Is there a doctor reading this who might attend our final shows JUST in case...?)

Next up, as promised THREE LONG DAYS AGO is more words from the cast members. Here, for starters, is the charismatic Professor Hodgkinson (aka Debbie McGregor):

A graduate from Winchester University with a Choreography, Dance and Drama degree and now work in a Toy shop..... yay!!! I act in many random shows but love being involved in artistic projects and live events rhythmically. Enjoy the Magic!

And, following that (if you can!) are words from our superlative director, Hannah Stephenson

After being a professional Singer/ Dancer, I obtained a BA (Hons) in Drama from St Martins College. I studied how to direct, leading to my first play Colder than Here performed at the Dukes theatre Lancaster. Now my passion is directing from 20th Century Realism to Comic Book Comedy Musicals.

You can contact any of these folks on any of the blogs via my musical director and close personal friend, Keith Baty, on keithbaty@gmail.com. Keith wrote the 'teashop script' and all the music for this production and is willing to offer himself up to creative sacrifice and write a musical (or just a song or scene) just for you or your theatre or your school or...well, anybody. He's as versatile as an egg - a running yolk with the cast!

I'm going to end now as I need to head off to a shop to buy myself some new pink undies. In a sort of 'reverse Tom Jones' manouvere, I managed to throw my originals at a fan in the crowd and the durned felon picked 'em up and ran off. I expect they're on Ebay already, with a multi-thousand-pound reserve price!

I may, as a final gesture today, present a pic of my pal, Clinky, the Robot Parrot. He's a mainstay of the show and can be relied upon to get his lines wrong, the feather-brain. Of all those in the cast, he's maybe the one most in need of 'plucking from obscurity', if you get my drift. (Just joking, bird!)

Adios pour maintenant!

DK

My Shelf Of The Fridge

Stand By For Action!

That was the call last night as 'The Invective Dan Kamikaze' opened at eteaket, Frederick Street, Edinburgh City Centre to a sell-out audience! (Three people had to stand.) The whole show went off very well, which was a mixed blessing as I was hoping to feed my chickens on any old fruit that might have been thrown at us!

Lawdy mama, there was even a group of people there dressed as superheroes - or were they real superheroes? I went to ask 'em but they'd TAKEN OFF from a standing position and flown up into the durned sky...

Today, me and the General and Figure (see photo) are aiming to prance around Edinburgh in our costumes. I just hope those super-villains don't 'go off on one' as I'd hate to use my secret weapon on them. No, let me re-phrase that: I'd like to use my secret weapon on them, but we still got six shows to do.

Which brings me to today's postings from 'cast members'. First up, it's Eve, who plays sultry temptress, Lena McCartney, before returning later as physicists' fave , Lulu Hodgkinson. Someone will snap this gal up for a major role soon:

I’m Eve, I’m 19 and I’ve lived in Carlisle for a year, training to be a teacher. My performing experience began at the age of 4, dancing with the Northeast Amateurs, and has extended to appearing as a principal in several productions and studying at the British School of Pop Singing.

Next up is Katy - 'The Big Figure' - a comic genius. Get her under contract now, before her fee goes up. (She's to the right of the General in today's pic):

I’m Katy, I’m 22 and have recently graduated from York St John University with a 2.1 in Performance: Theatre. I‘ve spent the past year teaching secondary Drama in Carlisle but recently left to pursue my passion in lighting design and operation.

Tomorrow, I'll be adding the secret details of our fab Professor Hodgkinson and those of our fantastic director.

Well, gotta go. Today, I'm wondering how Tesco can sell two litres of 'Fresh'n'Lo' at only 50p, especially as it's just about the tastiest milk around (and is currently on 'My Shelf Of The Fridge', which is also the title of Figure's big number.) I reckon it's because they're charging an exorbitant £1.99 for a 'Variety' pack - too much for not enough 'Coco Pops' is my conclusion. I guess it all balances up in the end, but I'm durned if I know how....

Keep on whittling, woodcutters!

Dan

ORVILLE WILLIAMS

Rooty toot, seekers of justice!

Yesterday saw the premier and premiere appearance of the 'Dan Kamikaze' performers on the High Street stage. After bussing in from our secret 'Kamikaze-Kave' to the West of Edinburgh, we burst onto the podium with scant seconds to spare before our allotted spot began.

From thrilling the crowds with a selection of our hot tunes, we serpentined through the crowds and down to our venue, eteaket, in Frederick Street (on the corner with George Street) , where we had delicious tea and a selection of scones. Oh, and someone had an iced coffee. And I had a macchiatto that just about blew my durned head off. You don't need alcohol, kids - get one of those foamed-up espressos and that'll keep you going all day!

It's always been part of my philosophy to look out for the underdog and give a helping-hand to those who deserve it and, as from today, I'll be aiming to do just that by presenting '40-word Profiles' of some of the performers helping me out in my show. (I'll be using their secret identity monikers for obvious security reasons.) First up is General Calamity - or, as she's known to all but a select few of her acquaintances, Natassia Gunn:

'...The Name: Natassia Gunn... The Age: 21... The Passion: Performing... The Experience: Degree in Musical Theatre and Drama... The Ambition: To perform on the West End and Broadway...

No mention of kidnapping and threatening behaviour there, I notice, but very interesting nonetheless.

You'll see I've added another image to today's thing. It's me 'sans costume', when I was still plain Orville Williams (see title - another hit number from the show!), being got at by my co-workers in the teashop. It's an image that brings back bad memories. But then again, I think of how it was their bullying behaviour that helped motivate me to transform my daily grind and become the pink-and-green paragon of justice I am today!

Yes kids, you too can change your life for the better...and you can get more tips on how by seeing my show. Tonight's sold out but there may be tickets left for tomorrow. Contact edfringe.com and they'll link you through to the Box Office.

I guess that's it for today. I'm off home now for a piece of toast made from a Tesco 'Value' thick-sliced white loaf. They're delicious and are only 30p (a saving of 17p) until Tuesday, August 16th. With a world wheat shortage imminent, I'm aiming to buy 2,000 in the next week and deep-freeze them in the cellar of my secret fortress at the South Pole. It pays to plan ahead!

More soon,

Dan

I'LL MAKE HIM A HERO!

Hello Again, Blogowers!

I've been trying to upload a few photos of folks from the show of my life. No go, Joe! You cannot trust technology - as General Calamity's encounter with the de-atomiser may illustrate.

I did get one pic transplanted. It should be on the right. It's as if they've all been boshed with the Master of Malevolence's electrocution helmet. (See the real thing in the musical!)

This is a short one as I desperately need some Quorn chili mix and oven chips. The Quorn stuff's only £1 a bag at Farmfoods. I should be charging Quorn and Farmfoods big cash to advertise their products. But I won't. That's not my style.

The title of this blog's another show-tune title. You'll be able to buy a CD of the fabulous songs at the performance. It'll be cheap as I intend to charge by the number of instruments on the CD. On the other hand, there are some ace singers on there so maybe £86.43 isn't unreasonable after all.

Just to let you know that the opening night's now sold out and Friday and Saturday sales are healthy. Film director Lord Alfred Lloyd-Hitchcock's supposed to be coming one night. He's asked for a box. If he brings his own gloves, I'm game!

Your pal,

Dan

Come De-Atomising With Me!

Hi Kids!

Well, my durned show kicks off this week (Wednesday) at the 'eteaket' tea boutique on Frederick Street in Edinburgh City Centre. (It's Venue 202 in your Fringe programme.) For a fiver, you get to see the story of how I came to be the man I am today plus the thrilling tale of my encounter with two ace super-villains plus a bunch of hot tunes AND a cup of tea and a biscuit.

I've used the title of one of said hot tunes as the title of today's blog as it may indicate to the quantum physicists among you something of the big havoc those super-villains are aiming to wreak! And don't be thinking, 'Old Dan's bound to defeat those baddies - he's just so dreamy and fab.' No sir-ee - the outcome is not quite so clear-cut.

In a strange blurring of fact and fiction, the characters in my play are played by their REAL SELVES. So, I'm me and General Calamity's played by the real General, and so on. It adds a certain excitement to the proceedings, especially when the villains get hold of that de-atomiser and point it at my pink-and-green-garbed torso...

Gotta dash now as I have to limber up for my promo spot on the High Street Lower Stage at 1550 tomorrow (Tuesday - and again, at the same time, same place on Friday 13th and Saturday 14th). More later!

Dan

Melodies on the Marsh

So, here am I, Dan, about to get some publicity, when that robot parrot, Clinky, steals my thunder and has his song performed by Keith. Can't complain really - we got a good mention in the Cumberland News: try the link on the side-bar. Things are moving fast now. We are performing some selections from my story in a tent by the side of the Solway Firth on Saturday 31st July, so let's hope Big Figure doesn't rush into the waves and start surfing. It is one of B.F.'s dreams after all. We may even get to have a barbeque if the sun shines - better than more of Professor Hodgkinson's rock-hard potatoes. But what better way to end the day than with a cup of tea watching the sunset? Aah!

Beginnings

Welcome to my blog. Over the next few weeks I'll tell you about my journey to Edinburgh - from my humble yet dramatic beginnings to my excitement at being able to share my story with you all. Remember, a good story told over a cup of tea can't be beaten!